A real-life fantasy

Remember the Gay Girl in Damascus? A blog with that suggestive name went viral during last year’s Arab Spring, only to be outed as a hoax — or should we say a fantasy — by its panicked author, a 40-year-old American PhD student in Edinburgh called Tom.

This news item is the premise for Sour Lips, one of various plays commissioned to celebrate Ovalhouse theatre’s 50th birthday. And what a promising premise — drenched in suspense, irony and bang-up-to-date ethical questions. What are the rights and wrongs of the internet? Can anyone be held responsible for a social-media phenomenon? It also ticks Ovalhouse’s usual boxes. This little theatre, in an old gym next to Oval tube station and opposite the famous cricket ground, specialises in political theatre, particularly anything with a gay or ethnic-minority agenda.

Omar El-Khairy’s play tackles the subject using two devices. First, he separates Tom (convincingly played by Simon Darwen) from the ‘gay girl in Damascus’ he invents, Amina Arraf (an equally excellent Lara Sawalha). The play then becomes, among other things, the story of their romance, Pygmalion-like. He creates her, only to find that she takes on a life of her own — an independence he begrudges and ultimately has to quash. This approach allows El-Khairy to play up one delicious irony of the situation, which is that a blog the liberal West took as evidence of female and gay emancipation was actually the creation — indeed, the lesbian fantasy — of a straight man. In perhaps the play’s most successful scene, Amina gets cosy with a girl who mouths lines scripted and spoken by Tom.

The second device is a Greek chorus of three actors, whose main job is to act out the story’s social context. They provide background bustle when Amina is kidnapped by security forces (as Tom imagines); they sing and beat-box linking music between scenes; they broadcast news announcements in various languages; perhaps most importantly, they like, retweet and comment on her posts.

These two devices propel the play entertainingly enough towards its inevitable conclusion in Tom’s shame and apology. Our main quibble was that it could have been more dramatic, and perhaps also more coherent in articulating the issues at stake.

There was perhaps too much telling, too little showing. Another obvious irony of the story — that social media was supposed to be a weapon of truth in a world of totalitarian propaganda but here was used as a vehicle of mass deception — does not really come across. The related question of culpability is not explored very deeply. Tom apologises, but is he really responsible for a media hype created by Western liberals — suckers as we are for an uplifting story?

There was much to reflect on here. But it’s by no means the definitive account of this modern fairy-tale.

Sour Lips is playing at Ovalhouse Theatre until 16 February

This year, BFI Southbank hosts the 27th Lesbian and Gay Film Festival, its annual celebration of LGBT cinema from around the world. Handily split into three sections – Hearts, Bodies and Minds – it promises a diverse selection of talent from both well-known directors and emerging voices.

The opening gala is Jeffrey Schwartz’s documentary I Am Divine, a behind-the-scenes look at one of the world’s most controversial and beloved icons, with contributions from Ricki Lake and John Waters, Divine’s celebrated collaborator. Other films to look out for include the incendiary Oscar-nominated documentary How To Survive A Plague, about the efforts of ACT UP during the AIDS epidemic. Even to those who feel that the subject has been widely covered, it’s essential viewing.

London is well represented this year, with Tom Shkolnik’s debut, The Comedian, exploring the life of a struggling stand-up comic who meets a self-assured young man one night following an unsuccessful gig. Meanwhile, documentary Born Naked proves a fascinating look at the lives of lesbian women in London, as well as Berlin and Madrid, in its cross-section of the European gay scene, and the festival will also be screening the 1963 classic, The Servant, scripted by Harold Pinter.

Dedicated to telling stories from across the globe, however, the festival’s wide remit also includes Facing Mirrors, an Iranian film about the unlikely friendship between a traditional wife and mother and a transgendered person on the run from her family. From South Korea, White Night tells the story of a one-night stand that takes on unexpected meaning, and Latina director Aurora Guerrero’s Mosquito y Mari explores the tender relationship between two teenage girls.

The Lesbian and Gay Film Festival runs from 14-24 March at BFI Southbank. BFI members can book tickets now from the website, and tickets for the general public go on sale on Monday 4 March.

Faggot! Canary Wharf by Paul Harfleet

“Accidental activist”, artist Paul Harfleet plants pansies at the sites of homophobic abuse.

The Pansy Project started as a personal act, marking places where Paul himself had experienced abuse. The ritual of revisiting sites and planting the pansies works as something of a remedy and gives an occasion for reflection. The pretty flowers help to redeem a location, transforming the patch mentally and literally. Paul photographs and blogs each pansy with a caption of the abusive words.

The practice has spread with Paul planting pansies for others across Manchester and Liverpool, as well as in the USA, Turkey and Austria. Now the project has arrived in London and the plan is to plant 100 pansies by the end of the summer. One is already in place at Canary Wharf.

Homophobia is horrible and reports of it are on the rise in some London boroughs, e.g. Enfield, Newham and Redbridge. Planting pansies isn’t going to stop it but positive action that makes people think and beautifies spots tainted with hate, can only help bring hope.

You can suggest a London location for a pansy to Paul on Twitter @ThePansyProject, via Facebook or through the blog: thepansyproject.blogspot.co.uk

Read the full story on BBC London News.

The head of the procession by Zefrog

Will this weekend’s London Pride events see an improvement on the trainwreck that was World Pride 2012? Let’s hope so.

This time last year, what should have been one of the biggest global events in the gay calendar sunk under a quagmire of cancelled events, unused floats, stories of unpaid contractors and all events and activities — including the climactic Trafalgar Square party — being cut or cancelled at the last minute.

Most damning of all,  the Metropolitan Police issued a license regulations notice to all venues in Soho, reminding them that London Pride — the then organising body — had no license for street events in the area, and therefore they should treat World Pride as “any normal day”.

It is safe to say that, for London, this Saturday will not be “any normal day”.

New organisers London LGBT+ Community Pride have secured £500,000 from the Mayor’s Office over the next five years, which comes to around 20% of the cost of holding London Pride. Michael Salter, head of the the organising body has said that this weekend’s events will be “fresh and different (combining) traditional campaigning with the partying and fun our city is known for.”

Before the full-on jollity of Saturday, there’s plenty to get stuck into on Friday evening. Transpose will hold a night of art, storytelling, film and music in aid of You Are Loved, a new trans youth suicide prevention initiative, while over in Finsbury Park the gender-bending monthly Save Rubyyy Jones Revue has drag, neo-burlesque and something outrageous no matter which way you swing.

The next day, the traditional London Pride parade will leave from Oxford Street at 1pm and head towards Oxford Circus. It will then turn down Regent Street and along Pall Mall, past Trafalgar Square and finally end in Whitehall at around 4pm. More details as well as arrangements for older folk wishing to join in can be found on the official page for the parade.

Those wanting to skip the parade can head straight over to Trafalgar Square at 1pm to see a packed lineup on the stage featuring The Pink Singers celebrating their 30th Pride appearance, The London Gay Big Band and a raft of rising talent overseen by four hosts headed by Dusty O.

The day’s biggest musical extravaganza, though, is out east in Hipsterville. Shoreditch Park’s Summer Rites Party sees Atomic Kitten headline a festival bringing together 60 DJs and 30 club brands in seven different dance arenas. Get those hoofing boots on and head down there from 2pm onwards.

UK Black Pride will take over Soho’s Golden Square for eight hours of their own brand of education and entertainment; next door, the Dean Street Cabaret Stage kicks off at 4pm with a bill including Zoo Lates host Myra DuBois.

There are, of course, many more Pride happenings around London than on these two days. Check out the official Pride calendar for details.

Still bored? There’s an all-girl roller derby in North London, free entertainment on Carlisle Street, Brazilian dancers in Glitterous, late night porn star action at Hustlaball, the Big Gay Bash in a South London warehouse and plenty more after parties scattered around London. Cor.

Photo credit: zefrog

So you’ve found a handsome fella out in the club or via Grindr/Tinder, but where do you go for that all-important first date?

The Sun, Clapham Common

The Sun does a mean Sunday roast and a tasty Bloody Mary. It boasts a fun mixed gay/straight crowd of Claphamites. If things go well, head over to The Two Brewers, just a stone’s throw away. Just make sure drag queen Sandra doesn’t get hold of him…

South Bank Dining

Offering wholesome British food in a relaxed setting, Canteen is a good starting place for a first date, and the perfect location for a romantic stroll around the South Bank afterwards. For those with a sturdier wallet, the nearby Skylon restaurant offers excellent views of the Thames. Benugo, inside the BFI, is another great place to take a boy. Comfy sofas invite snuggling, and with so much going on around you at the BFI, it’s perfect for finding out what he’s into. We mean films, obvs.

Soho Square

Image by M@.

If the weather is nice, why not date al fresco? This gay hub of greenery is perfect for a picnic, with a Tesco Metro ‘round the corner for supplies. It’s also home to the first ever ‘cottage’. Well you did ask.

Broadway Market, London Fields

From Vietnamese coffee and street food, to vintage clothes and records, Broadway Market is a gay hipster paradise. The perfect spot to browse around and find out what kind of vintage makes his eyes light up.

Watch the Kings Cross Steelers

If bars and restaurants aren’t your thing, head over to East Ham RFC to watch a home game by London’s gay rugby team, the Kings Cross Steelers. It’s aways a winning day out, regardless of the score, with a fun, friendly and inclusive crowd. Check out their Facebook page for info on fixtures and other events.

Balans Cafe, Soho

Smaller and brighter than its big bro up the road, this café on Old Compton Street serves a mean brunch, with the whole gay world passing by. Handy if your homo bro is more boo-hoo than BoHo.

George & Dragon, Shoreditch

Photo courtesy of Joel Ryder.

Find out your date’s quirks at this unique little gay pub. With Fruli Strawberry Beer on tap, and a vast menagerie of exotic décor, including a horse head that appears to sings along to the music, you won’t be stuck for conversation.

Alice House, West Hampstead

The Alice House oozes comfort and warmth, with exposed lighting and kitsch reclaimed school furniture. Chat over a pair of jam jar cocktails made with real jam, and share the best, fresh, warm, jumbo scotch egg you’re likely to find. It has a sister venue over in Queen’s Park.

Long White Cloud, Hackney Road

This treasure-trove of New Zealand flavours has regular exhibitions from local artists, with gorgeous gluten-free options (the lemon brownie deserves a Michelin Star). Plenty of cosy tables for two, epic coffee and very gay-friendly.

Paramount, West End

Impress your date with the awesome views from Paramount, at the top of the Centre Point tower. Swanky cocktails, a tasty game-inspired menu, and romantic low lighting create a recipe for a winning first date, though be sure to book ahead. The observation deck is perfect for that first kiss…

By Danny Hilton

London outfit The Irrepressibles headline Village Underground on 26 March, bringing their unique take on orchestral pop with an unabashed message of universal love to Shoreditch.

Ignoring for a moment the distressing ‘art-pop collective’ label the London group have hung around their own necks, The Irrepressibles play heartfelt electronic rock with its eyes to the heavens, as best summed up on 2012′s majestic album Nude. For a reference point, think Dog Man Star-era Suede meets Patrick Duff’s criminally underrated band Strangelove, simultaneously gloomy and life-affirming.

Nude was hailed as a important record in the fight against prejudice, with its focus on gay rights and accompanying videos likely to make Russians nervous – literally, as at an open free concert in Gorky Park, Moscow last year in front of 5,000 people. Authorities attempted to stop the broadcast of videos from the Nude selection, such as this for the song ‘Arrow’. WARNING: there are naked male nipples and other serious threats to society in this video.

The Village Underground show and tour around the UK are to promote a rebirth for the Nude album, in the form of a trilogy of new EPs containing ‘different sonic worlds’. Nude:Landscapes is a stripped-down, string-laden selection, while Nude:Viscera introduces elements of grunge and new wave into a darker, more foreboding environment. The third EP, Nude:Forbidden, aims for a more uplifting electronic sound. All three EPs will be released on 24 March.

The Irrepressibles continue to attract controversy despite there being nothing controversial about their act or actions – their recent pro-gay love video made up from submissions from all over the world, called ‘Two Men In Love’, resulted in a bizarre over-18 censorship on Youtube despite the lack of any sexual content, or indeed anything more provocative than men kissing. You can watch the video here.

Irrepressibles frontman Jamie McDermott admits the video was something of a political statement, but told Polari magazine “I made this video because there are kids out there who kill themselves for being gay and I wanted to make something that would communicate directly to those kids and tell them ‘it’s ok to love’.”

And if that’s not a message we should hear more of in these confusing times, we don’t know what is. Tickets are available here for the Village Underground show, which is sure to be moving and thought-provoking in equal measure.

Image courtesy of The Irrepressibles.

Continuing our series of short stories set in, or influenced by, London. This month’s theme is ‘sexy, sensual, saucy London‘, which concludes today with a brewing romance in a gay club.

First

Even though the place was crowded, my eyes locked onto his from across the room. Although they were far apart, I was captivated by the electric blue stare washing over me. My phone vibrated in my pocket. I swiped it to find the text that I was dreading. ‘Have fun with the guys tonight. K xx’. I felt the guilt wash over me. Suddenly my hunk wasn’t important anymore.

“Having fun?” boomed a voice in my ear. Matt slapped me hard on the should1er; his face was glowing with sweat – blood flushing his skin as his shaved head shone brightly. “See anyone you like?”

I gazed at the floor, blood flushing my face too.

“Lighten up darling, it’s a party! You’re here to have fun!”

“I’m just not really feeling in the mood”, I said. “Maybe I should head home…”

“Bitch, please! No one leaves a gay bar at ten o’clock!”

Every muscle in my body fought against his words. My upbringing on a farm had given me a buff physique, but my muscles were now trembling. I brushed my straggly locks from my eyes; my hips rocking to the beat were now frozen.

“Come and have a dance!” he said, gleefully. Before I had chance to protest, Matt was thrusting me onto the dance floor. I was soon surrounded by young twenty-somethings, jumping around me. An Asian man with a hooked nose ran his eyes across my body and winked. My stomach felt sick and I leaned my body away from his. I turned to seek help from Matt, but his attention was lost on the man he was next to – something told me he needed a reason to be in the centre.

It all became too much for me. I grabbed my coat and headed for the door. Once outside, a muscular bouncer stepped back in front of the door – sealing me away from sin. I felt the icy chill of November, and gazed up into the starless sky.

“Excuse me”, whispered a smooth voice in my ear, “but aren’t you cold?”.

I turned around to see him again, catching his hypnotic gaze. I wanted to say something, but my mouth had forgotten how to speak. Everything about this man was perfect; from the small patch of grey on his temples, to his rippling biceps under a tight black shirt, to his washboard stomach. Suddenly I didn’t feel cold.

“I’m Alejandro” he purred, “And you are…?”.

“James” I blurted out, “I’m James”.

“Is everything OK?”, he said to me.

“Oh everything’s fine”, I replied, as my eyes looked over his shoulder. “I just came out for a bit of, uh, fresh air. It’s really packed in there.”

“Yeah it can get pretty crowded in there, your first time?”

“Mmhhmmm!”

“What clubs you go to?”

“Ummm”, I mumbled as the blood rushed, “this is actually my first time coming to a club like this.”

“Ahh…I see…”

The air hung with silence for what seemed like forever.

“Listen, why don’t we go for a walk? It’s a beautiful night.” He slid his hand in mine. It nestled comfortably.

“Sure”, I said cracking a smile “I would love to.”

We walked along the edge of the Thames under a new moon. I told him everything, and I mean everything. I thought he would be judgmental, but instead he told me how he hid in the closet for seven years, moving to London so he could be alone in a crowd. We walked for what seemed like hours until we came to a standstill underneath the metallic giant – the London Eye. It was odd to see the crowded Southbank so hushed. I imagined the whole city belonged to us.

“How did you manage to…you know…tell the world who you really are?”, I asked.

“I’ve never told anyone.”

We came to a standstill, my feet felt frozen in ice.

“I mean…I don’t think the world has to know my sexuality. Straight people don’t go around telling everyone who they like, why do I have to? I only want the person to whom I’m really attracted to know…”

He had moved in closer. The dangling carriages overhead bathed our bodies in a navy spotlight. I realized how warm and tender his breath was on my skin. His beard was inches away from my flesh, which was now quivering with excitement. A bulge had erupted in my jeans; it found another bulge pressing against it. As he drew his lips to mine he whispered, “I’m gay, James”.

As we kissed, he reached and tugged at my hair, pulling me into him. I moved my lips down, kissing and nibbling the base of his neck. He groaned and sighed. For the first time in my life, everything felt as it should be.

“Wait” he whispered. “I want to do this right. Give me your phone.”

I handed it to him as entered his number, and then passed it back. He had saved the name under “Alex” – a genderless name that wouldn’t be detected.

“I’d love to have you hard right now…but I’m tired of hiding. I want the man I’m with to not be hiding either.” He kissed me on the forehead, shivered, and headed back towards the bar…

Approaching my house in Wimbledon, I slid the key into the lock and crept, so as to not wake the children. I opened the bedroom door to find Katie sprawled across the bed as the sun started to rise behind her. I kissed her on the forehead, although my lips had not wanted to. She stirred.

“Good morning baby” she said, as she rubbed her eyes. “Did you have fun last night?”

“Yeah,” I said, as my voice cracked. “Listen, why don’t I take you out for dinner today? There’s something I need to talk to you about…”

Copyright, C Evans and Lance Middleton, 2014. @LanceMStories and #LanceMiddletonWriting. Image by  in the Londonist Flickr pool.

Although the ‘sexy, sensual’ theme is now over, we’re still looking for general London fiction stories. Please continue to send submissions to fiction@londonist.com. Entries must be no more than 1,000 words, and must be set in London, or strongly inspired by the city. Full details here.

Previously in this series

Transport tales

• Amelie: Narges Rashidi considers the interactions of three people on a District Line tube.
• Shelter Drawings: Stuart Snelson’s tale of a mysterious Circle Line artist.
• Tracks and Albums: Richard Lakin attracts the attentions of the British Transport Police.
• Seeing Red: Anthony Fitzgerald on the woes of a cab driver.
• Instant Karma on the 263 to North Finchley: one seat left on the bus. Next to you. Raving drunk gets on. By Ronnie Capaldi.

Future/History

• Two Four Eight: Lance V Ramsay envisions an Orwellian dystopia in the lingo of future London.
• Old Nichol: Jill Fricker evokes the woes of the old East End.
• Clissar: Grazia Brunello dips into the future of north London, through a glass darkly.

Horror/Thriller

• Harvest Festival: A spooky Halloween tale in the London suburbs by Helen Craig.
• Ordinary Days in London: Madelaine Hills on a Docklands disturbance.
• Bishopsgate: Oliver Zarandi visits the site of a bomb.

Fantasy

• The Perfect Gift: A Christmas fairytale in which London’s statues come to life, by Katherine Wheston.
• The City Inside: Tom Butler has some curious metropolitan anatomy.

Relationships

• Jazz Code and the Tube: The ambivalence of dating, by Jenny Mackenzie.
• A Free Man: Melanie White’s flash fiction piece considers a recently single guy at a bachelor party.
• Clean Living London: Ursula Dewey rolls her sleeves up for some housework.
• Swipe Right: Does Tinder have the answers? By Heidi Scherz
• The Writer and the Dancer: Close encounter at a flat party by Vincent Wood.
• St Peter’s Gate, Knightsbridge: A nocturnal romance at closing time, by Theo Klay

Miscellaneous

• Compatibility: Stephen Lynch conjures the awkwardness of flat hunting.
• An Extract From the Diary of Kay Richardson, Actor: The surreal tribulations of a washed-up London thesp, by Tom Mitchell.
• You Were Not In When We Called: A Christmas tale from Megan Toogood.
• The Do: Alan Fisher gets party phobia.

First things first — this vibrant, energetic musical is the campest, gayest and most glitteringly homosexual show you’re ever likely to see. In comparison, Zanna Don’t! makes the Wizard Of Oz, Sound Of Music and Glee look like army recruitment videos.

At the 60-seat Landor Theatre in Clapham you’re always close to the action. With the whole cast on stage at many times during the show, things often seem chaotic and, sometimes, a bit messy — of no fault to the cast — there’s just hardly enough room on stage to swing a sequined cat.

The story follows Zanna, a matchmaker with a magic love wand (no pun intended) who loves nothing more than to set up his friends. But this world has a rainbow twist — everyone in this universe is gay or lesbian. Or at least they think they are…

What starts off as an over-the-top glitter-fueled musical romp with high-camp numbers and plenty of laughs turns into a serious look at love, relationships and the labels that society gives us to define ourselves. Ultimately, Zanna Don’t! shows us that none of that crap matters, and that love is love, whatever the sex of the object of your affection might be.

This is a young cast of actors with the majority having finished their studies a matter of months ago. Overall it has the feeling of a top-quality student production, with the excitement and enthusiasm of the group coming together for some truly sparkling moments. The script is endlessly clever and genuinely laugh-out-loud hilarious throughout. Social satire with a sexual twist.

However, some of the vocals during the musical numbers leave a lot to be desired — especially at the start. We put this down to nerves, as by the end the whole cast were harmonising beautifully. David Ribi’s Zanna is warm, likeable, suitably sexy and sparkly and a strong lead that keeps the story flowing. Ceris Hine is hilarious as Kate, with a character so raw and unique that we lit up whenever she spoke. Liam Christopher Lloyd oozes a charming naivety as Steve and Jennifer Saayeng’s Roberta has a gripping strength and vulnerability — as well as some awesome solo numbers. These are definitely names to look out for in the future.

Zanna Don’t! looks at the serious issue of homophobia and equality through a sugarcoated, diamantine lens — non-conventional, but it works. A camptasticly fun night out.

Zanna Don’t! is on at Landor Theatre in Clapham until 19 June. Tickets are £17. Londonist saw this on a complimentary ticket.

Hackney Empire plays host to London’s biggest LGBT choir this summer (19 July). The Pink Singers are one of the city’s finest collections of remarkable voices and they’ll be celebrating the best of British music with a show entitled Notes from a Small Island. The night will include songs by the likes of Annie Lennox, Elton John, Britten & Elgar, and Pulp (which we’re most excited about, unless it’s Disco 2000, because that’s rubbish).

The Pink Singers first came together in 1983 for a Gay Pride march in London and they’ve been singing as a group ever since. They are a mixed four-part choir of over 80 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered people from a diverse range of backgrounds and they enjoy hurling themselves recklessly into everything from pop to classical, jazz to folk, and of course show tunes. Though based in London they also sing with other choirs around the UK and the world, taking their message of equality and diversity all around the globe.

The Pink Singers performed at A Night at the Movies in Cadogan Hall in January, and here’s a video of their stab at All By Myself, which we’re sure was in some brutally famous movie though hours of painful research unearths only Shrek 2.

Though that may be their most polished video, we’d also recommend you check out I, Choir, a wonderfully funny piece of music based around the technicalities of being part of a choir. In both videos the audience’s reaction tell you all you need to know about how much fun a Pink Singers show can be.

The Pink Singers will be joined for the evening by special guests Citi Choir (a choir from Citibank, no less), and the South Wales Gay Men’s Chorus. Tickets are available now and it’s impossible to believe it’ll be anything other than a fabulously entertaining night.

The Pink Singers play Hackney Empire on 19 July, and tickets are available from the venue website.

Guilt & Shame is so utterly hilarious that it’s actually difficult to write about. As we’re reliving the action from Soho Theatre we’re laughing too much and losing our train of thought.

The ‘depraved comedy duo for every bad decision you’ve ever made’ sees Gabe (Gabriel Bisset-Smith) try to turn his former best mate Rob (Robert Cawsey), straight. What follows is a series of steps, from the Jeremy Clarkson-inspired religion Church of Clarkstianity, that aim to do away with gay-thoughts and feelings — to become a ‘real man’. The spectacular failure of this is laugh-out-loud ridiculous, incredibly inventive and sometimes strangely sexy…

At its core, Guilt & Shame is an exceptionally well-written, well thought-out and heart-warming story. The boys’ individual sketches blend together with ease, and when they’re acting together there are glittering moments of comedy gold. There’s simulated sex, guides to chatting up birds, getting ‘comfortable around cock’ and some magnificent dance moves. The generous amounts of audience participation saw us doing things we never expected to do in front of a room full of people we’d never met (with our clothes on, we’ll add, don’t get too worried).

Guilt & Shame sledgehammers traditional stereotypes of masculinity and sexuality, making fun in equal measure of what it means to be straight or gay in today’s society. This has a very limited run so do whatever you can to get a ticket.

Guilt & Shame is at Soho Theatre, 11 October and 16-18 October, 10.15pm. Tickets £10. Londonist saw this production on a complimentary ticket.